Writing quality @descs

From: [email protected] (Kirby Krueger)
Newsgroups: rec.games.mud.tiny
Subject: Writing quality @descs
Date: 29 Feb 1996 22:08:46 -0800

Time and time again, people constantly seem to complain about lousy, boring descriptions that seem to be the mainstay of most tiny-style muds. Instead of just grumbling and laughing, this is my attempt to spew forth my opinion on what makes a good desc, and what doesn't. All this applies primarily to roleplaying muds, and may or may not to social or otherwise oriented places.

1. Do not have your desc cause the looker to do anything. Phrases such as 'Your eyes drop at her beauty' or 'You suppress a giggle at her squeaky voice' may seem okay, but they completely ignore who the looker is. If the other character is blind, or even a straight woman or gay man, they won't likely care about a beautiful girl much. If the looker is the chief high muckety-muck of toadville, it may be entirely out of character to giggle, or even look vaugely amused. This kind of phrase just assumes too much. It's fine to say instead "Many folks often giggle when they hear her squeaky voice", though.

2. Do not have actions in your desc. If you say things like 'He catches your glance and winks at you', or even more, 'He runs up and shakes your hand,' you're assuming too much about the situation. First, the action is usually ignored, and a waste of space - people don't react to desc-winks. Secondly, it may be radically out of place. You wouldn't smile and laugh at a glance at a funeral, but many descs would have folks do exactly that.

3. Keep things short. Often, I see people point to descs that are three screens long, and say, "Wow, what a great desc!" Well, yeah, if I was reading a novel. However, more often than not, I end up barely skimming the really long ones, and missing the important points. This isn't just lazyness - in a good scene, there just isn't time to read anything huge, and the effect is that the desc leaves no impression at all upon skimming.

So what is a good length? First off, anything over 23 lines is right out. People without something like tinyfugue can't read all of it often, so just don't do that. I'd say 6-10 lines is really good. Maybe a little more, but I wouldn't go much longer than 15, or few people will really stick with it long enough to get the effect. Obviously, there are exceptions, but if you aren't really inspired, making it longer won't help.

4. Avoid cliches. It might be a good idea to long on as a guest to a place you're planning on playing, and see what most people tend to look like, and then avoid that. Here are some things to try not to overdo:

Eyes that do funky things: I've looked into hundreds of souls, seen exotic dances and hidden passions, and dozens of other funky drug-induced phenomena by looking into the eyes in a character's desc. Unless the eyes are particularly unusual, don't go into depth on them, we've all seen it done hundreds of times.

Incredible looks: I know, everyone wants to play out a fantasy. However, in real life, people don't look like beer commercials. Consider playing someone who looks like an ordinary person.

Tall men: How many male characters are below six feet tall on some of these places? Really, it's almost silly if you pay attention.

Ethnicity: It's almost scary in 'modern-day' games the percentage of white characters. On some of the World of Darkness MUSHes I've visited, there are few non-caucasians. Some Asians seem to show up, but very few black, latino, native american, or other minorities. It can be a very interesting and challenging experience to play someone from a different heritage than yourself, and I highly encourage it.

There are dozens more to look out for. Keep an eye out when you first start out on a place. If you find you're the sixteenth redhead you've seen that day, consider a quick retro-dye-job. If you're less than a week-old, almost nobody will typically mind much anyhow.

6. Be memorable. This is the hard part. Anyone can list off physical traits, but we've all seen 'He's six feet tall, with brown hair. He wears Cowboy Boots, and has a goofy smile.' And so forth. The problem with this style is that, while factual, it's often hard to picture such a character after reading it. With a good desc, the picture should be almost automatic. Use imagery, and comparison. Instead of the point-by-point listing above, we could try instead "This fella looks like he was an extra in a Will Rogers movie, frozen in time from the 1950s. His goofy grin and western attire seem completely out of place in the bustle of New York City today." The second description excerpt gives a much better picture of the character. It's not nearly as important to tell people what color his shirt is, as to tell them enough to react to him.

7. Perhaps most importantly, pay attention to spelling and grammar, and other marks of textual presence. This is a permanent part of your character more or less, and should at least reflect a bit of effort. They say that you only get one chance to make a first impression, and on a MUSH, that's often your description. A sloppily edited one will send off warning bells and cause people to be predisposed against you. It may not be right or fair, but a lot of poor quality players make little effort to do simple things like capitalize and spell, and not doing so lumps you in with those most forgettable players. Text is the medium, and we ought to at least make an attempt to use it well.

Does anyone have anything to add to this? The goal is not to flame entire classes of players, but to help less experienced players learn how to write better personal descriptions. There certainly isn't much of an atmosphere of cooperative learning in much of the mud community, and it'd be nice to change that.

--

Kirby Krueger, [email protected]

<*> "Most .sigs this small can't open their own jump gate."

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